fragmentsofthegalaxy | I want you to touch me, just to know I still feel

It was agony.

So much had changed since her death; her almost death. Going to the Land of Make Believe, to Univille, the Warehouse, had changed everything. Had changed them most of all. They had exchanged vows, she’d taken his NAME, wore his ring as he wore hers... lived together as husband and wife, with every intention of spending the rest of their lives together.

And now they were back. Returned to their galaxy at the moment they were removed, memories intact. Force bonds intact. To an Order that still found attachments dangerous. WRONG.

Too much had changed; she could not conceive of setting aside her feelings for him, giving him up. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. And, much to her relief... he felt the same way. So they... pretended. Hid what they felt in the Force, behaved as they had before their journey to another world. It hurt, FORCE, how it hurt, keeping her distance from him. She’d grown far too accustomed to his presence at her side. In her bed. Doing silly little things like curling up together on a porch bench enjoying a beautiful summer morning.

She’d never known longing quite like this.

They stole moments, when they could. With the ability to hide their presence, their emotions, in the Force, it made matters just a little bit easier. But FINDING moments to steal, in the Temple, with the war, their missions, was difficult. They were separated far too often. For far too long.

But they were Jedi, and they did what they must. They knew what was coming, now; maybe they could change it. Keep Anakin from Falling to the Dark Side. From becoming Vader. Keep Sidious from becoming Emperor. Whatever happened, she would be at Obi-Wan’s side this time. He wouldn’t go through it alone.

Duty didn’t make it any less painfully lonely, lying in bed in her quarters at the Temple, without him by her side. He was her husband... and she had to continually pretend that he was nothing more than a friend. And an often frustrating one at that; which he was, of course. Marriage hadn’t changed that. He could still frustrate her more than anyone in the galaxy. But he was so much more to her, as well.

And no one could ever know.

Which was why her next mission was a welcome one. A two Jedi team was being sent to a planet to investigate reports of a Separatist plot to take over the shipyards there. It was a deep space mission, and she was one of the Jedi assigned to investigate. The other... was Obi-Wan.

It was a long flight. They would be alone.

With no need to hide.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

master_kenobi

He was nervous to let his walls down while they were still within ten parsecs of Coruscant. Masters Yoda and Windu were powerful and perceptive and he was fairly certain they suspected something already. He kept his eyes on the readouts and his mind on the controls as the ship moved out towards the starstreaked blackness of hyperspace.

From:

neverlosemyfocus

She ached to touch him, but she didn’t dare to until it was safe. They couldn’t risk the Order discovering them. Not when there was so much left they needed to do. They couldn’t leave the Order until it was finished. So she focused on the task at hand, fingers ghosting over the controls.

But his close proximity was fraying the edges of her patience.

So she all but flung off her harness and slid out of the co-pilot’s seat. There were other things that could use doing, and it would give her a few moments to breathe. To wrest her desire to hold him again, to touch him and feel him and hold him again under some kind of control. Until it was safe for her to do so.

From:

master_kenobi

He frowned in confusion when she threw off her harness and then went...somewhere else.

"Where...where are you going?" he called after her.

From:

neverlosemyfocus

She turned back, giving him a warm, brilliant smile that held more than a little heat and promise of things to come. Soon, she hoped. “Tending to other things for a moment,” she told him. “Otherwise I don’t know if I’ll be able to resist touching you for very much longer.” It was an open, honest statement; it had been a painfully long time since they’d managed to share any moments together, and she longed for his touch.

For him.

From:

master_kenobi

"I... oh." He frowned, but more in thoughtful confusion than anything else. "Oh. I see."

From:

neverlosemyfocus

His words earned him another brilliant, fond smile, and she very nearly crossed the distance between them right then and there. But she gathered what little remained of her patience and slipped out of the cockpit.

She would return quickly.

From:

master_kenobi

He focused on the controls until then, watching the distance, in particular, between the craft and Coruscant. It had been a long time since they could even really spend time in the same room, much less together as they'd become accustomed to. He glanced over his shoulder to see what she was doing back there.

From:

neverlosemyfocus

She kept herself busy, because her longing for him was almost unbearable, and she would do nothing to risk their secret being found out. She could wait a few moments more. She had to. They would reach a safe distance soon enough.

But she’d never been a patient woman, and she found herself rapidly running out of distractions to keep her from the cockpit. From HIM. Force. The last of her patience, her ability to deny herself, deny her longing, her love for him, crumbled and dissolved. Exhaling unsteadily, she turned on her heels and all but ran for the cockpit.

From:

master_kenobi

He was looking at the controls - concentrating on them - when he felt her return. He smiled as her presence drew near.

"You've returned. We're nearly out of the quadrant. I expect it's safe enough to..." he glanced at her, "do as we please."

From:

neverlosemyfocus

Oh thank the Force. Her relief was palpable as she stopped. Stopped hiding everything in the Force. Stopped hiding everything that she felt for him, that she had HAD to hide, to bury so deep that none of her fellow Jedi could sense it. To keep them from being found out, being expelled before they could do what needed to be done. Change what needed to be changed.

Letting it all fall away, she wasted no time in closing the distance between them, framing his face with her hands and kissing him fervently.

From:

master_kenobi

The sudden physicality of it, after the drought of physical affection, startled him for a moment. She was surrounding him almost alarmingly at first, then he fell into the familiar feeling of that and became one with it, touching her in the Force as he returned the kiss.

From:

neverlosemyfocus

It had been so long, so kriffing long since she’d felt him touching her in the Force, touching her physically, just touching her, that it almost took her breath away. She was moving then, moving without thinking, straddling Obi-Wan as she deepened the kiss.

I love you.

From:

master_kenobi

I try to remember that when you feel distant.

Hiding their feelings was trying and wearying. Letting go of that control was like releasing a long held breath.

From:

neverlosemyfocus

That was one of the hardest parts of all this. Having to hold each at arms distance, having to constantly hide what they felt for each other. She settled herself more securely onto his lap without breaking the kiss. Any distance between them was too much distance, and she refused to waste what time they had together.

You hold my heart. He held all of her. He always had, she thought. Shifting, she leaned down and began kissing her way along his jaw and down the line of his throat.

From:

master_kenobi

But I can't feel your heart when we're hiding.

He wasn't sure how much longer he could live this lie. He held her tightly, tilting his head back as her lips touched his throat. He would have to choose soon. He knew that. But there was so much work to do...

Did he have the strength to see it through?

From:

neverlosemyfocus

I know. I’m sorry.

She hated this lie they were living. Hating keeping him at arm’s length. Hated pretending. Hated not being able to fall asleep in his arms, to kiss him whenever the desire struck her. They were doing this for a reason, had chosen this because they needed to be able to see things through, to prevent what they knew of the future from happening.

But she didn’t know if she had the strength to see it through.

Pulling back, she pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, pouring everything she felt for him into that one simple gesture.

From:

master_kenobi

He returned it with equal measure of sincerity.

This mission will bring us close to ending this. Soon we'll have to choose whether we leave.

From:

neverlosemyfocus

Leaving. Leaving the Temple. Leaving the Order. They’d stayed because of what they knew of the future, to try and change it. Stop Anakin from Falling, stop Palpatine from destroying the Republic, the Order. Everything.

But after... what then? Did they stay? Continue to hide their relationship? Their marriage? Could they continue maintaining this façade forever? The Order would not change their stance on attachments. Not without a fight. And not EVER was more likely. Could they spend the rest of their lives apart? Stealing what precious moments together they could out of the Council’s view?

We will. She deepened the kiss, slowly, lingering. It had been too long since she’d been able to do this. To touch him. But right now I want to enjoy what moments I can with my husband.

From:

master_kenobi

He couldn't argue with that. The moments they had were so few and far between. He returned the kiss, his hands sliding to her belt to start unfastening her tunic.

From:

neverlosemyfocus

His hands at her belt sent a shiver of anticipation down her spine, and she sighed into the kiss. It would almost be kriffing ridiculous, how much she ached for his touch, if not for how rarely they found moments together like this. So she anticipated, and ached for him.